She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
