cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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