I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
