i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
