woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Small penises have feelings too.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
