where am i from again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
