Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
