walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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