On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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