We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just googled if crying burns calories
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your penis caused this!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize