come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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