you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
