So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
