Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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