: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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