he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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