Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize