You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
