turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
