woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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