every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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