i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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