Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
