I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
home. puking in laundry basket.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize