I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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