i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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