yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
