JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
