I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
