dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
