piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
