Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
