My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
