I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
