Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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