yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize