Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
