Jerry, you need to find god
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
