New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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