dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
