Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
