yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
