Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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