I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
