I think I died a long time ago.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
