dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
MIDGETS
????
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
