Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
