..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
