please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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