I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
