youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The best revenge is premature balding
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
