he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
