I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
