Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize