Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
