every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize