youre lurking in front of me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
