i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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