i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
