Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
