sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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