I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i think my cat just said my name.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
