Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
