I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
