Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
