When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
