good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize