Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
