She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
